“In every relationship you learn something about yourself, When one thing dies another lives on, its valuable, remember that..”
A choice is made to stay or not to stay, to end things and be happy or to keep them going and carry out the routine due to fear. The questions storm your mind like a crowd of people at a football game, its hard to think clear with all the noise. “What will i do if i lose this person? Where will i go? What am I going to do now?”.
You’ve been with the person so long that you’ve adapted to their ways and you got comfortable with the way the everyday played out. You don’t even remember what you did when you were single. The relationship itself wasn’t perfect but through the hard times you found a bit of happiness, through the fights and struggle, you found joy in the moments between disconnection. You became grateful for the small things and got by, some how.
You get yourself together and remember, “How did I do this before?”, “How did I get over this last time?”. Thinking back you realize that you’ve been through this quite a bit in the past, you know that you can make it out but its just hard to let go. Through the smiling faces on the pictures to the memories in your head, you play them out over and over and ask yourself why? You begin to blame yourself, “Its my fault”, “I should have did this differently”…
Does this sound familiar to the dialog in your mind? Lets face it letting go has got to be one of the hardest things to do, let alone letting someone you love and care for tremendously. The reason for this is because we do loose something, it almost feels like we loose a piece of ourself and in a way we do. The piece is everything you had going with the person. The jokes the laughter, the love, the memories oh yeah did i mention fighting, angriness and bad communication?
In breakups we seem to always remember just the good things, the good times and we defend the bad times. “Oh fighting all the time wasn’t so bad”..”It was okay that she took my money”.. The good thing about those thoughts is that they aren’t true and they also fade with time. This is a stage I will call the hiccups that come right after making a big breakup in a relationship. Its the feelings that yes were there for a little bit of the relationship but barely enough to get by. We tend to hype it up as we explain to people as if we are trying to sell them a used car.
Loosing isn’t fun, it leaves you with a bland taste in your mouth but you realize fighting an impossible battle to keep someone is well, self defeating and unfair.
In reality things might have not been so bad but the truth is it happened for a reason. The reason cannot be defined but one day you will know. One thing for certain is that independence must be regained, without independence you will be stuck on this negative break for a majority of your years. To get your independence back you must do things for yourself. This means love yourself and spend lots of time being selfish. You may have heard that selfishness is bad, but in this case you deserve the attention and hopefully you will give yourself lots of it. This is time for you to be free, to do the things that once felt capped off. To fulfill the desires that you once forgotten.
After a little while you will realize that things are great. You are enjoying yourself and the habit of not seeing the person is broken. You can go on and be happy with yourself and friends once again. You feel like a new life, one that isn’t limited and held down, a leaf fluttering in the wind in a beautiful aimless path of whatever you make it..You realize that you didn’t need the person to maintain your happiness, you only thought you did, you had your wings the whole time.
In all of my relationships I strive to keep peace on the exit, lending a helping hand to put a packed bag in the car of someone you loved dearly as you say goodbye is true love. A healthy love strong enough to let go. A place where resentment doesn’t exist, an forgiving eraser of bad times to let the person know that the time shared was an unforgettable experience and that it wasn’t a waste. Mutual support for their well being and positivity for the future that they hold within on the road ahead. The love is real, as real as can be.
You will find the there is beauty in the breakup, its a new opportunity for growth, an extension of your arms to share your love with yourself and others. In every relationship you learn something about yourself, When one thing dies another lives on, its valuable, remember that. Don’t hold yourself and call it a game, life’s too short to not keep on loving and in time you will, you will.
Take things slow, leave out the manipulation, go with how you feel and god will set your course. Your new life starts now, throwing expectations to the side, just live. Go.
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{ 1 comment… read it below or add one }
Very well put… When we leave one thing, another starts. Why start something new with negativity? I enjoyed this article very much.