“I guarantee by remembering what your relationship was built upon, you will strike upon old passions and this will ignite your interests for your partner all over again.”
Have you lost interest in your current relationship? I’m sure you have been trying to understand why this happened. Lets face it, its a complex situation but I feel like its one that happens quite frequently to a lot of relationships. I was thinking today and I realized one of the reasons why this happens. I will explain that in a minute but first I want to explain how relationships are formed so you will have a good understanding.
The dating process is where you choose a mate and start dating. To start dating you try and find a good match with someone. To find a good match, you pick someone that you have common interests with. Most of the time something attracts you to the person and vice versa. This attraction is very important because its what drawls you to the person. Its why you like them. The key elements of attraction can be looks, intellect, beliefs and pretty much anything that attracts you to them. These key elements of attraction are what ends up being your deciding factor on going along with the dating process or not.
The foundation of your relationship is based upon the elements of attraction and in the beginning we use all these to the fullest. In the beginning of the relationship we show our best face, we look good, we smell good, we give everything to our partner, this is the most important mode to remember. We also actively pursue the person. Pursuing the person is requires tons of effort on both sides of the relationship. In this stage we start to make our judgments on how we feel about the person in the long term as far as marriage etc. When we do this we make a perspective about how things are going to be years from now. We think wow, this is how things are going to be with her/him, this is nice, we are a perfect match! As time goes by things start to get messed up a bit. You cant figure out why but you feel like you are loosing interest in the relationship. You don’t understand what happened.
Now here is why this happens. It happens because one of the people in the relationship or both, stop acting like they did in the beginning. What I mean is someone or both stopped acting consistent to the foundation that was made from the start. Both partners may have gotten lazy and their fundamental attitude has shifted. Perhaps in the dating stage your partner was very independent and this is what attracted you to the person. but now the person is very clingy and cant seem to do anything by their self. You see if you stop doing the things that originally attracted your partner to you, then you or they start to loose interest. It make sense doesn’t it? We choose people upon certain standards set by us and if those standards degrade we start asking our self the why’s and how’s.
The common mentality is to use everything you have in the beginning(skills talents good attitudes) so you can capture who you want and then you can cut it off once you get them. Its kind of like bribing a tiger to fall into a trap which was promised to contain steaks. The person that get trapped is left empty handed and confused. This happens because once the person gets what they want they feel like things are secure and they no longer need to maintain and be the person they were in the beginning. Its kind of like obtaining a goal, you accomplished the goal of getting the person and now your thinking “Okay now what?”. You forget about everything. Relationships don’t work like that.
If you were super sweet in the beginning, opened doors for the person, made sweet cards for the person, talked passionately about their hobbies/goals and all of sudden this stops after a while there is going to be some confusion. You or the other person is left with the why’s and how’s. You liked the person because of those sweet things they did for you, but suddenly they stopped and you feel they have changed or you they aren’t who they said they were.
As you see it all comes down to consistency and maintenance. In order to keep what you have you must do and act the way you did in the beginning, the way that attracted the person to you in the first place. This is key. You must be consistent with this and if you do stay consistent, things should start lining back up for you. Be the person your partner enjoys! Changing the way you treat your partner because you got what you wanted is faulty. The goal is to keep what you wanted and if you aren’t how the person thought you were, then well you need to get back if you want things to work out. By doing and acting like you did in the beginning, the person will be much more attracted to you and the interest should fall back in line. Understand that relationships evolve over time, that’s normal but keep in mind that the fundamental foundation should still be intact!
Something else to consider is knowing successful relationship that contain high interests come from a relationship built on constant maintenance and knowing that nothing is finished or set in stone. A relationship requires daily maintenance its not something you obtain and just abandon. Relationships are like a house, if you stop maintaining your house after you get it, it slowly falls apart. You need to constantly work on it, be the person that attracted your partner and ultimately you will succeed!
Ask yourself these questions right now:
- What did your partner do that really made you fall in love with them?
- Are they still doing it?
- What did you do that you aren’t doing anymore?
- Have we both changed?
- Can you honestly say you are putting a lot of effort into the relationship?
I hope this makes a big difference for you and gets your wheels spinning! Whatever you come up with try and implement it immediately, as this will help tremendously! Just give things a try. Talk to your partner or spouse about this, I guarantee by remembering what your relationship was built upon, you will strike upon old passions and this will ignite your interests for your partner all over again.
Discussion: What are some other things to consider to gain interest back into a relationship?
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{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }
i liked this post. very inspightful!
My thoughts…exactly! Taylor, you hit it perfectly when you explained the WHY relationships seemingly ‘change’. Everyone thinks they’ve fallen out of love, when really they’ve just stopped doing the things that made them fall into love.
I tried to tweet this post by clicking on the link at the bottom but the link redirected to another site and a page that doesn’t exist!
Isn’t it pretty funny how people forget that! I assume its easily done, but now hopefully people can get informed and make a 180 in their relationship! thank you for the comment! ha ut-oh looks like I will have to do some maintenance on my “tweet this” link
thanks for letting me know about that issue! Hopefully you can retweet it when its fixed 
You would think it should be obvious…at least as obvious as doing those loving things while dating, because everybody gets that part of it. Oh but that’s when we want something! Tsk. Tsk. Well, I sincerely hope someone reading this post tries it and discovers that their relationship can be every bit as good as it ever was!
Very good article…I 100% agree with what you said! Its funny how easy it can be if you just put in the work necessary to keep both parties happy